Measuring up

I was recently forced to confront a question that caused me great pause.

It was insidiously simple in its nature. While cashing a few beers on the patio with my cousin Tyler from Texas, conversation shifted to the recent tribulations of a close relative and concerns about his young children.

Tyler, who was basically raised by his mother, nonchalantly asked, “Was your dad your hero growing up?”

I froze and stared forward with a blank expression. It wasn’t a question I had ever thought about before, simply because I never had to.

I grew up in a stable family with few issues. Fights weren’t common, save for my parents trying to reign in an independent-minded teenager with a chip on his shoulder. I learned lessons – sometimes the hard way – but the overall message remained steady: Remember your manners, don’t take anything for granted and work hard.

My dad has always been there for me, and Tyler’s question made me realize I’ve indeed been taking that for granted my entire life. Many people don’t get that privilege for multiple reasons and I acknowledge I’m exceptionally lucky. He’s our family’s rock and always has been.

Becoming a father myself has shifted my state of mind. I’m always questioning whether what I’m doing is wrong or screwing up my kids, and the answer is probably yes. This inside-baseball approach to parenting is no good and I know that because of my dad. While he was always present, his strongest asset was letting my sister and I do our own thing and then following up. People don’t learn much without making mistakes and no matter our transgressions, he was there to offer forgiveness and guidance.

Don’t get me wrong – we had rules to follow and knew when our dad was mad or disappointed in us. Still, his to-the-point parenting style got the message across. I’m trying to do the same with my kids, but I’m too overbearing and short-tempered to make it work. Having a pair of toddlers is daunting and you just try to survive the day. I’m trying, though, because that’s all I can do.

I don’t think people reflect enough on what’s made them who they are. I’m as guilty of that as anyone, but thanks to the Texan’s question, I was able to appreciate my dad’s complete body of work.

He was there when I caught my first fish, and he was there when I got my first hit in Little League. As a matter of fact, he and my mom were there for nearly every sporting event I participated in for 10 years. He took me to my first Iowa Hawkeye football game and he was there 12 years later when I graduated from the University of Iowa. He was also there to pick me up the morning after my first (and only) stay in a jail cell, as well as other low moments in my life.

The point is my dad has always been there. There’s not much more you can ask from a father, and I’m lucky to have somebody that’s always got my back.

Growing up, my heroes were relegated to the world of sports – Barry Sanders and Ken Griffey, Jr. held top rankings. While the character of both athletes has held firm over the years, I’ve put them on the backburner as I’ve aged. My dad is unquestionably my hero and always has been, even when I didn’t realize it.

Sunday will mark his 36th Father’s Day and my fourth. My only hope is that someday I’ll measure up to him.

Nick Pedley is the news editor of The Hartley Sentinel-The Everly/Royal News.