The Writer's Pen

Recently our writer’s group worked on our own obituaries. It may sound strange, but we determined that some printed obituaries don’t necessarily match the person they’re written about. Who knows you better than you know yourself? It sometimes appears that obituaries are on file to be drawn out of a hat randomly when a person dies. Writing your own would eliminate that.

As I thought about my own obituary, some needed facts came quickly to mind: Name, birthdate, parents, siblings, spouse, children, grandchildren and education. Those I could rattle off quickly, but going down the rest of the list proved to be more difficult. Things that didn’t come quickly to mind: Describing myself as a person, hobbies and activities, church and organization involvements, and my working career. Also, what about a memorial service, and any charities well-wishers may want to donate to? Where do I begin?

I know none of this is unique to people today, we all need to deal with these issues at some point in our lives. I have some thoughts about traditional funeral services that are probably considered old fashioned by today’s standards. My problem is that I change my thoughts every now and then, so I guess I should write a few things down. We have a burial plot in Spirit Lake, but no headstone there yet. Some friends told me that their kids took a selfie by the headstone they had installed, then sent them a picture with the caption, “Looks great – wish you were here!”

I recall when my dad died, and my mom asked me and two of my siblings to meet her at the funeral home to help with the arrangements. She said we wouldn’t have to do much, but that wasn’t the case. She had pre-paid everything, had a headstone installed on their plot, and had caskets picked out for each of them. The rest of the arrangements, including the obituary, had to be taken care of by family members in a short period of time. But, with help from the funeral director and the pastor, everything turned out fine.

I have attended a lot of funerals in my life and have quite an assortment of obituaries in a drawer. Some have nice pictures, some are brief, some are flowery and wordy, and some have scripture or poetry. I don’t often look at these obituaries, but when I do my mind wanders back in time. While it’s important to mention birth and death dates, it’s also important to mention family members, occupations, and possibly hobbies and organizations that were important to them. It helps me remember and reconnect with that person.

While I don’t intend to write my obituary in this article, I will give you a snapshot of my life so far. I was born and raised on a farm north of Ocheyedan, the second of six kids. I married an Ocheyedan girl, Rita Noble, and moved to Spirit Lake. We had three kids – Justin, Melanie and Hillary – who were raised in Spirit Lake, went on to get college degrees, and now live out of the area. (Rita and I both got college degrees later in life). The girls are both married, and we now have five grandchildren and three step-grandchildren. Justin is single.

Rita and I still live in Spirit Lake, and are retired. I have a small lawn business, but mostly we both volunteer in our church and community. We enjoy the outdoors and working in our yard and gardens, but I don’t do flowers and Rita doesn’t do vegetables. We both use the bike trails, but mostly I walk and Rita rides a bike. We like to fish with the grandkids, but guess who baits the hooks and removes the fish? I still do some hunting, but guess who doesn’t eat wild game?

I enjoy writing short stories and poetry and am a member of the Hartley Writer’s and Poetry groups. All of our family members like to read, though everyone has their own tastes. When our kids were growing up we encouraged them to read, study, go to church and enjoy our lakes area. We were active in their school activities and helped when we could. We still enjoy attending school events in Spirit Lake, and also try to attend a few of our grandkids’ events in Bellevue, Neb., and Platte City, Mo.

People mostly remember me from working at Citation Homes, Style Craft Furniture, Shoppers Supply, and the City of Spirit Lake. Rita spent her working career with Coca Cola, Iowa Lakes Community College, and the State Bank.

As I said, this is just a snapshot and not a full-blown obituary. I’ll get that written someday, but it’s hard to be objective when describing yourself. I’ve done things in my life that I’m proud of, but I don’t believe anyone will erect a statue of me anywhere. I’m just me, a native Iowan who worked, played and raised a family in the greatest country on earth.

Roger Brockshus and his wife, Rita, live in Spirit Lake. They are mostly retired, but keep themselves busy with volunteer activities and visiting their kids and grandkids. Roger is a member of the Hartley Writer’s Group and Hartley Poetry Group.