The Writer's Pen

This will probably come as a big disappointment to all of you evolutionary scientists out there, but it was announced the other day by a leading expert in the field that we, humans, have evolved about as far as we are going to. That’s right – there are no huge, bulbous heads in our future. Eyes that can see through solid steel will not be forthcoming. Limbs that stretch to fantastic lengths are probably not in the offing for us. In short, we are what we are going to be.

There is a reason for this sudden stoppage of evolutionary advancements in the human race. According to our expert, that reason for the cessation of the evolutionary process is the cushy Western lifestyle we live. He says that we have no need to develop any further special changes to ensure the survival of our species.

How comforting is that? To think that our offspring’s offspring’s offspring’s offspring’s offspring’s offspring’s, offsprings will be exactly the same as we are today, is kind of an extraordinary statement for anyone to make, especially an “expert in the field.”

This guy must not look for this earth to last much longer, or at least we humans who live on it now. Evolutionary changes don’t happen overnight you know. It took several hundred thousand years for the first fish to develop gills into lungs and crawl out of the water. It took a few hundred thousand more years before anything reared up and walked on their back legs and used their front ones to grasp things.

My argument with the “expert” is because he claims we have gone as far as we are going because of the easy lifestyle we live. Does this mean that people in third world countries are going to keep evolving while we stop? Does it mean that since their life expectancy is shorter, that any changes or improvements in human development will be passed on to future generations in their cultures quicker?

The key is that evolution is triggered by environmental factors, but not necessarily just climatic factors. Just because we don’t live in caves, kill our food with a club, and spend long hours staring off into the night sky wondering what the stars are, doesn’t mean we are through changing to meet the challenges of our environment. Just because we’ve found ways to stay warm in the winter and cool in the summer and dry when it is wet outside and thirst free when it is dry outside, doesn’t mean that we are not still evolving.

One evolutionary change that I think is prevalent in today’s environment is that instead of people getting huge bulbous heads, we are, as a species, getting bigger butts. Hey, it’s only due to the environment we live in. Instead of walking to work, we ride in a car. Instead of walking the beans, we sit on a tractor seat and spray for weeds. Instead of running after small critters to obtain food and running from big critters to keep from becoming food, we just take a leisurely stroll through the super market. Instead of washing our animal skin clothing in the river and bashing them on the rocks to dry them, we toss a load of clothes in the washing machine and go to bed.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying everybody has a big butt. There are some people out there who work very hard to make sure their butts don’t get big. Kudos to them! The last thing I want is to have everybody with a big butt mad at me. Some of my favorite people have big butts. What I’m saying is that there is a reason for this anatomical change that is becoming more and more prevalent. Health experts want to write it off as simply a lifestyle choice that we make to be inactive, and therefore over weight. I say that is probably part of it. But I also say that big butt tendencies can be inherited from down the gene pool line and in some people’s cases, just can’t be helped.

There is another evolutionary change that I think is taking place right under our noses too. Many of us are getting bigger, stronger, faster-moving thumbs. That’s right, the fifth digit that separates us from the animals is getting even more useful. This should be considered a positive evolutionary trend, but there is a down side to the way the “super thumb” is being developed. That is, the same condition that is beneficial to developing the better thumb (sitting in your big chair using your thumb on your remote control to quickly and constantly channel surf through the entire range of cable stations, and back again) directly contributes toward the tendencies of gaining a big butt.

There’s just no end to evolution. I don’t care what the experts say.

Roger Stoner and his wife published the Peterson Patriot newspaper for more than 15 years. Since selling the newspaper in 2004 three of his books have been published. They are available on Amazon and at libraries throughout the area.