The Writer's Pen

A family, by definition, is a group of one or more parents and their children living together as a unit. Family ancestry is one’s origin or ethnic descent. I come from a large family, so my family tree is very large. My wife’s family tree is probably as large, or larger, than mine. Our joke is that large trees have lots of acorns, walnuts or fruits hanging on them. And if you shake a tree hard enough, you’re probably going to get hit with something.

In our retirement, Rita and I frequent a couple of coffee groups on a somewhat regular basis. We work with one of these groups at our local food pantry. When we get done with our volunteer work we go to a local café and have coffee. We have a nice time, but I always think it’s ironic to donate a few hours of work before paying for our own coffee. Anyway, the conversation there always seems to be about things going on in our community as well as the people involved. Quite often Rita or I will say, “That’s my cousin, you know,” or “He’s my niece’s son.” We take a lot of good-natured ribbing about our many relatives in the area.

A group of guys I have coffee with are mostly retired. The talk at our table is often about farming, sports, politics, religion and anything else that will get a rise out of someone. One of my brothers is still actively farming at age 72, and my other brother hunts and fishes the year around. In my mind, that should make me the resident expert in those fields. Sometimes I just happen to mention the exploits of my cousin who was a career Air Force pilot, or I slip in that another cousin’s husband used to be a successful attorney who also did income tax preparation. I can’t imagine why my coffee friends would not appreciate the efforts and talents of my family members!

I’m sure many people have attended a family reunion at some time in their life. This event is one of the times people with the same surname, based on a common ancestor, can congregate. The older I get the more important these gatherings become. However, that was not always the case. More than once I wondered why I didn’t spend my day fishing or golfing, or anything else, rather than attending a family reunion!

One reunion that stands out in my mind happened years ago when my son was in his “terrible twos.” Combine extreme heat, humidity, lots of strangers trying to make my son smile, and you get the idea. My brother-in-law stepped in to help, and when my son settled down, one of my extended relatives said, “Oh look, his dad really has a way with him. And, they sure look alike.” This was my sister’s husband, for crying out loud! The day didn’t get any better when they found out I wasn’t a farmer like them, and my surname was different since it was my grandmother’s side of the family. Oh well, the food was good, and it was probably too hot for fishing anyway.

Growing up near Ocheyedan, my family dynamics were not a lot different than others of the day – or so I thought. We lived on a farm near both sets of grandparents as well as most of our aunts, uncles and cousins from both sides of the family tree. Though there were a few nuts on those trees, we had large gatherings on many occasions, and I thought that’s what everyone did. It was not until recent years that I realized that not everyone does that. My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles are all gone now. My kids and most of my siblings and cousins live out of the area, and they all have families of their own. My wife and I spend lots of holidays and most weekends enjoying our own company. Though we stay connected in some form with most of them, eating a traditional Christmas or Thanksgiving feast is just not as enjoyable with two people.

I found another definition of family, and it differs only slightly. A family can be a social group different from, but equal to, a traditional family. Though there is no common ancestor or surname, there are many other bonds holding these groups together. An old saying points out that you can’t pick your family, but you can pick your friends. There are no tree branches to worry about here, even though there may be some fruits and nuts among them. I have at least one friend in that category (not mentioning names).

Social groups come in many forms, and with luck the relationships can last for years. They can be people you have worked with, worshipped with, shared a hobby or special interest with, had coffee with, or just enjoyed conversations with. As difficult as life can be at times, family members in any form are vital to our personal wellbeing and the world’s.

Roger Brockshus and his wife, Rita, are retired and live in Spirit Lake. They both keep busy by volunteering in their community and church. Roger is a member of the Hartley Writer’s Group.